The Narcissist

Incredibly outgoing. Sociable. Seemingly interested in you. Showers you with compliments, and even spur-of-the-moment vacations. Freaking hot. Sounds like the perfect man, right? That's what I thought... for two years, until I was proven wrong by a series of events that convinced me that this person was quite the opposite.

Coming out of the three and a half year, incredibly unhealthy relationship, meeting someone with the above characteristics seemed too good to be true. "I don't deserve this type of guy", I thought to myself. "He's way too good for me!". He took me out to nice restaurants, introduced me to all his friends, and we shared so many common interests. We wanted the same things in life. Even our families had so much in common. Everything was great. I gave 100% of myself in the relationship. I would do anything for him and we even spoke of loving each other "unconditionally".

Slowly, things began to change. However, only being out of the relationship was I able to put together all the pieces and realise this person is suffering from Narcissist Personality Disorder. According to wiki.answers.com, traits of a narcissist include: feels grandiose and self important, obsessed with unlimited success, convinced that he/she is special/unique, requires excessive affirmation, devoid of empathy, and rage. To sum it up, a narcissist leads a unfilled life. They are in love with their IMAGE, and not their true selves.

Without going into specific details, my ex fit all these traits. He was spontaneous, and never wanted to plan. Quite a few times, he canceled large commitments he made. He was incredibly into his looks (even sent out a resume with his picture on it), and loved to look in the mirror. Being such a good looking guy, we always wondered why his friends weren't very good looking. Now, we know it's because he only wanted to make himself look better amongst them. He was constantly seeking out the meaning of life, creating drama, and would always say he was special and could achieve anything he wanted. There's so much more... but I won't bore you with the details. Finally, I discovered that he was emailing other women and asking them out on dates. This is what narcissists do. Rarely are they faithful in relationships. While they may not physically cheat (to this day, I don't think he ever did), they constantly need to make sure they are still desired by the opposite sex. He was seeking validation that other woman found him attractive and would go on a date with him. Never did he wonder if I'd be OK with this. Even when I confronted him, he didn't see anything wrong with it. He was sorry he got caught, not sorry for the act. That was it. Done. Over.

Since breaking up with him, I'm scared. Who isn't attracted to a good looking, successful, outgoing, independent man? But I wonder if I'll be able to distinguish a narcissist from someone who has a healthy level of self-esteem. My advice to women is to be especially perceptive. If they seem really into their looks, cancel commitments more than they should, complain of a unfulfilled life, and don't seem to have as much emotion towards you as they should, don't brush it off like I did- run for the hills. It's not going to change. People with NPD need years of therapy for any hope of leading a loving, fulfilled life. You can't pop a Zanex for this.

For his own sake, I hope he realises his issues. I pray he gets help, not for me, but for himself. To see a "good person" living a life like this is heartbreaking. Every ones life should be filled with meaning, emotion, and a sense of purpose. And perhaps, most importantly, the ability to love and be loved.

*Ashley*